It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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