remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
