That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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