there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
