One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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