people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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