handjob tips. give me some.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
