so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
