I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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