Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
