i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
