bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shame is for Republicans.
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