is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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