if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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