Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there is puke in my bra ... again
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