so let's talk penis.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
