So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
