you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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