i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
