I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
