Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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