My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize