2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
