I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize