U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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