....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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