I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
