Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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