she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
