She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
