Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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