Welp...herpes.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
