Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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