Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
