I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
