Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
