her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
