So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
