im about as happy as oj after his trial
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
