everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
