Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
