can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
