he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
