If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize