I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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