I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
