I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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