Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
COCAINE IS GR8
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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