ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
