Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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