also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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