Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
