No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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