A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize