So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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