So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
