did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
