In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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