The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
