he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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