when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
