My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
