Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
