I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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