I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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