she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
