he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
