he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
