I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
