the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
