were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we made out on top of his cat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
