I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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